I am going to be brutally honest here. I feel like I need to be because I dont like pretending things are perfect and easy when sometimes they just arent. As much as I love being a stay at home mom, some days are hard.
Today was one of those days.
The day didnt start well. I had to change him 3 times within a half hour period of time. He spit up, then spit up again, then pooped through his clothes. All while trying to get ready to go out for coffee with my mother.
But worse then that was he decided not to nap today. At first I laughed at his stubborness. But by 3:00pm hed had a total sleep of 30 minutes over 8.5 hours. This was so not funny anymore. I could tell he was exhausted but he was just fighting it for all he was worth, screaming and throwing his head back in a fit. I tried everything... rocking, running, swinging, walking, singing... I even put him in his crib and let him cry for a while (which I normally would never do) but he got himself so worked up he started choking. So I picked him up, sat on the couch and cried with him. Then I called my mom.
Only moments before she showed up he fell asleep. I felt like a horrible mother, handing my child over to her and saying, 'Please just take him!' But I was done. I'd reached my limit. I felt like I was going to go insane. She stayed for half an hour and held him while I calmed myself down on the couch. Ten minutes later, he was awake and screaming all over again. Thankfully, my husband was on his way home and soon came to my rescue.
I love my son very much, more then I could possibly begin to explain. And I truly love being a mom! But it isnt easy. Far from it. And some days are just really hard.