Monday, 7 November 2011

I am more.

I had a bit of an emotional breakdown the other night. I hadnt gotten out of the house in a few days and was starting to feel like I didnt have a life anymore. I think this feeling had been building for a while actually.

Before I got married and had kids I was just Carolyn. Sure I was someones daughter... sister... friend... coworker even. But first a foremost, I was Carolyn.

Then I got married and became a wife. Naturally, I want to be the best wife I can be because my husband is an amazing man. I want to have a clean house, meals prepared and keep myself looking attractive because thats what a good wife does. But I still went off to work 5 days a week and was Carolyn for 8 hours a day.

Then I had my son, Noah. He is the most amazing little guy ever. I became mom. Its a very demanding title. I love it, but its certainly not easy.

Suddenly, being 'wife' and 'mum' is taking up all of my time and thoughts. I know that Carolyn is still in there, but sometimes I feel like shes been pushed down somewhere inside of me. I think it has to do with the fact that I really have no time for myself anymore. I am always concerned about making sure everyone else is happy and okay.

I hope im not coming across as selfish or ungrateful for my life - because I really do love my life. I have a very blessed life! But I need to make a conscience effort to do things that I want to do now and then, without feeling guilty about it.

2 comments:

  1. I totally remember feeling this way. It still comes in waves but was definitely strongest when I first had Kai. For me, having a child changed my life more than I ever imagined. I think the healthiest thing for me was to do a weekly activity that was not wife or mother related:) I played football with my friends and there, I was a friend and a teammate. I have been playing for years and it is so good at keeping me balanced and giving me `me time'. What you are feeling is so, so normal, I promise! I hope you find something where you can just be Carolyn:)

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  2. I totally agree with Louise - finding time to be yourself is hard but totally worth it! (coming from someone that does a really lousy job of finding 'me' time).

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