Thursday, 2 June 2011
It will all be okay.
My thoughts are a little all over the place lately. I seem to have days where I feel very confident and excited about the arrival of our little boy and other days where I am completely freaking out inside. And no, it is not the labour that I am worried about! I think the realization is starting to set in that in less then 10 weeks Matt and I will be responsible for a living, breathing human being. My doctor said to me the other day happily, "Can you believe you will only be seeing me 2 or 3 more times before this baby is here? You are pretty much done!" WOW. Cut to me nervously laughing and my eyes bugging out of my head.
I remember back in my first few months of pregnancy being so worried about the idea of miscarriage. I have many friends who have had to go through this heartbreaking loss and I was concerned about how I would deal with it if it happened to me. I told myself that if I just got through those first 3 months then I wouldnt have to worry anymore. One of my girlfriends (who had a young baby at the time) laughed at that and told me, "Yeah right, the worrying never ends!" I didnt believe her. I do now! There are a million worries that go through my head every single day. Some are related to the pregnancy (is he too quiet? Is the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck? Is he getting enough food? What if the technician was wrong and HE is a SHE!) and others are related to when we take him home from the hospital (What if he has a health problem we dont know about? What if he has difficulty breathing? What about SIDS? What about Autism?)
I admit that I probably have more worries and anxities then the average person, its just the way my body has dealt with a few unfortunate circumstances that I have experienced in the past 8 years. I dont like the idea of not being in control of what is going on around me (just ask my husband, ha) But I do have faith that there is a God who is in control and knows what He is doing with my life; I just have to trust Him to do it. Much easier said then done, I know, but what else can I do? I have to surrender all my anxious thoughts to Him and just keep doing the best that I can everyday. When I do that, I know that it will all be okay in the end.