I think reality hit last night. My mom was over and we were chatting about the upcoming delivery, what we still needed to pick up for my hospital bag and other newborn topics. I suddenly felt a little bit panicky. I'm 36 weeks pregnant now, which means that this baby will most likely be here in the next four weeks. In fact, he could even show up in a week from now! Not likely, but possible. Scary!
I thought that maybe I was suddenly getting nervous about the delivery. After all, labour is no Saturday afternoon picnic. But I don't think that's what really freaks me out. I think it more has to do with the shift of going from a one child family to two. My moms response? "We'll, there's no going back no hunny!" Gee, thanks momma.
I also suddenly starting thinking about Noah and how this little 20 month old will no longer be my only little boy. He will always be my baby, but things will be different. I started getting emotional just thinking about when I have to leave him for the hospital. I wish I could just take him with me, but I know that's ridiculous and that he wouldn't want to see me like that anyways. He doesn't even do well seeing me get my blood pressure checked at the doctors office! I do find myself worrying about who will watch him when we have to go to the hospital and how he'll respond to it. 90% of the time my mother babysits him, but she'll be with me at the hospital this time. I guess we'll be relying heavily on our cell phones to stay in touch and make it as easy as possible for both Noah and the sitter.
I hope once baby Asher comes I'm good at balancing my time between the two children and that they both feel loved and important. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Just like we moms do when we have our firsts and are trying to figure out how to sleep, eat and manage the household chores with a crying baby. I'll adjust. So grateful that Matt is able to use two weeks of his vacation time for the arrival - that'll be a huge help!
I think this is one of those situations where I just need to have faith that everything will be okay. Gods got a plan for our family and I trust that He knows best in every circumstance. But I certainly wouldn't turn down a few extra prayers going up for us in the coming weeks ;)
