Reality sinks in.

Whoa whoa whoa... Waaaait a minute. We're going to have two kids soon!?

I think reality hit last night. My mom was over and we were chatting about the upcoming delivery, what we still needed to pick up for my hospital bag and other newborn topics. I suddenly felt a little bit panicky. I'm 36 weeks pregnant now, which means that this baby will most likely be here in the next four weeks. In fact, he could even show up in a week from now! Not likely, but possible. Scary!

I thought that maybe I was suddenly getting nervous about the delivery. After all, labour is no Saturday afternoon picnic. But I don't think that's what really freaks me out. I think it more has to do with the shift of going from a one child family to two. My moms response? "We'll, there's no going back no hunny!" Gee, thanks momma.

I also suddenly starting thinking about Noah and how this little 20 month old will no longer be my only little boy. He will always be my baby, but things will be different. I started getting emotional just thinking about when I have to leave him for the hospital. I wish I could just take him with me, but I know that's ridiculous and that he wouldn't want to see me like that anyways. He doesn't even do well seeing me get my blood pressure checked at the doctors office! I do find myself worrying about who will watch him when we have to go to the hospital and how he'll respond to it. 90% of the time my mother babysits him, but she'll be with me at the hospital this time. I guess we'll be relying heavily on our cell phones to stay in touch and make it as easy as possible for both Noah and the sitter.

I hope once baby Asher comes I'm good at balancing my time between the two children and that they both feel loved and important. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Just like we moms do when we have our firsts and are trying to figure out how to sleep, eat and manage the household chores with a crying baby. I'll adjust. So grateful that Matt is able to use two weeks of his vacation time for the arrival - that'll be a huge help!

I think this is one of those situations where I just need to have faith that everything will be okay. Gods got a plan for our family and I trust that He knows best in every circumstance. But I certainly wouldn't turn down a few extra prayers going up for us in the coming weeks ;)

Turn baby turn!

Goober enjoying some piano time.

Pregnancy is still going good! I am starting to feel a little large and the requests have begun for back massages from my husband. The sleeping with a pillow to support my belly has started and thanks to my sore tailbone I am already waddling a bit. But this is all to be expected and I'm feeling well.

My only concern right now is little baby Ashers current position, which is breech. I know it's still early and he has lots of time to turn. But it was brought up during my ultrasound and It was the same during my 3D over a month earlier. I know he is still in that position now as all movement is very low in my belly. His bum is sitting right above my cervix and he seems quite comfortable there.

As I said, it's still early. I am in week 24 and he has another 10 weeks or so to turn before they would 'book' a csection for me and continue to monitor him. But just the fact that a csection has been mentioned and I have no control over his position has me nervous. Obviously I want what is best for him and for me and if that means we have to go that route then so be it. I can deal with 'surgery' and bring in help while I heal, but I do feel a little like I'd be 'robbed' of an experience by having a csection. I know I know, tons of woman have them all the time and have never experienced a vaginal delivery. As painful as labour is, it's also kind of a thrill when you have that moment of actually pushing a baby out and bringing them into the world. I'm scared to miss out on that moment with this one. And the other fear is that if I have a csection this time I know I'd be pushed to go for a csection for our third (but I'd want to go for a vbac!)

Don't worry, I am honestly not freaking out yet or all panicked. It's just on my brain and it's something I never expected to have to think about. I always assumed if I have a csection it'd be in the case of an emergency. It'd be so weird to walk into the hospital, not contracting, and to walk into a surgical room and come out with a baby an hour later.

Anyways, I am processing here and you just happen to be on the receiving end. Would love to hear some happy stories of babies who turned just in time or happy c section stories to give me hope if you've got em :)